Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Giving Up Coffee Will Kill You!

So this is what I have felt like lately.  Between Max, work, winter time and everything else in my life, I am constantly exhausted.  My last count was 4-5 cups of coffee a day.  That is way too much, right?

So on Sunday, I pulled the plug.  COLD TURKEY....

And it is seriously killing me!

Not only am I tired and irritable but I have had the worst headaches....EVERY DAY.  And Tylenol/Motrin/ibuprofen have no effect on them.  They are almost blinding.  I feel like a crack head detoxing.

It was so bad I googled this and it could take up to a week to go away.  Not sure I am going to make it.....

Monday, March 24, 2014

Time to Go Fishing

So I bit the bullet this weekend, and signed up for online dating....GULP.

I signed up for Plenty of Fish, mostly because it is free and because a couple of my friends use it.  So far, I am not completely sold on online dating.  It is very awkward.

You post a picture and answer some lame questions about yourself and then all these guys send you messages or say they want to meet you.  Maybe I am putting to much thought into it, but I would like a little conversation before we meet.

Maybe you are a serial killer?
Maybe you keep dead bodies in your basement?
Maybe you live with your mother and you have no plans of ever moving out?
Maybe you save all your toe nail clippings?

Telling me that you like fishing and think of yourself as "athletic" in no way allows me to filter out the crazies!  I am not sure I want to meet you for a drink.  I would really like to know you are legit first.

When you are a young and in college, you just go to a bar and get drunk.  Then the next day you wake up with 5 new besties and a boyfriend you only slightly remember.  Sighhhh, so easy!

After divorce your foundation is rocked.  I have had to rebuild my self confidence, my self worth and stand on my own.  I also have find my mojo again.  I look in the mirror most days and just think meh.  In college, I was all, "damn girl, you are fineeeeeeeee."

I want to be fineeeeeeeee again!

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Shockingly, She Has More to Say!

It seems odd that I didn't blog for over a year and now I feel like I can't stop. I want to write so many things. My brain is going twice as fast as my fingers and I can't keep up with all the thoughts.

Since I had Max, my life has been in a state of constant change and turmoil. At my saddest and weakest moments, when I am in bed with a glass of wine and a huge jug of animal crackers, I am convinced that I am damaging him by allowing this drama into his life. I really hate this saying, but my son is now from a broken home!  Then when I wake up the next morning and brush the crumbs off my pillow I remember that he is still (in my eyes) a baby and hopefully he will never remember any of this.

I have moments where I feel strong and invincible. Where I fix problems on my own and can build a school bus slide/playground for my son without any help. I take care of car problems and dog problems (she won't stop running away!) all by myself.

Then those moments are matched by times where I am so sad because I feel like I can't do everything on my own. Where it would be really nice to say, hey can you help me with this? When you are struggling to fit a huge dog kennel back into its minuscule packing box and you really wish someone could help you with this horrible, back breaking puzzle.

I met my ex in college and we were together for over 11 years. Being alone is something new and that can be hard to accept. But then I remember that I no longer have to deal with his drama on a daily basis and that my life is now peaceful.

I now sleep great at night and that is the best gift I have ever given myself. It may be exhausted from a toddler sleep, but it is still sleep!

Friday, March 21, 2014

Ahhhhh Blogging, I Have Missed You!

Some of you may remember me, even though it has been quite some time since I tapped away on my keyboard.  I used to babble over at Running Just As Fast As I Can.  Then my life fell apart and I deleted my blog and my twitter.

To bring you up to speed.....

I had Max in May 2012.  My husband went to rehab in November of 2012 for alcohol addiction.  In December, he fell off the wagon for the 100th time and I finally left him and moved back to Connecticut.  I filed for custody in April 2013 and I will finally be divorced next month.

It has been a real trial putting my life back together.  I felt like every small accomplishment was matched by extreme set backs.  I sold my house, my ex cleaned out my bank account.  I paid off my car, my ex asked for my engagement ring back.  My ex and I finally have a good co-parenting relationship, something horrible happens at work.

These frustrations make it really hard to get your life back on track but I am working on it.  Every day has highs and lows.  You start to realize what is important in life and what isn't.  All the "stuff" bogs you down, so my goal for 2014 was to live a lighter and happier life.

Change is hard and change is scary but I know it is necessary!