Friday, April 18, 2014

Divorce is a Marathon

Excuse a runner nerd while she makes some really bad analogies.

Right now my divorce is the New York City Marathon.


I started out in Staten Island.  A little cold, a little hungry and nervous about what was ahead of me.  I knew I had made the right decision to leave S but I was still apprehensive.  I didn't know how this journey would turn out and any new challenge is scary.  But I know that I will never look back, I am just looking forward!

I headed into Brooklyn.  I felt good about how the separation was going.  S and I had come to terms as friends, we had finalized custody of Max, things were going good.  I was still energized about the battle ahead.  I could literally run for days!

Ugh Queens.  We are fighting again and things are starting to get really nasty.  I just want this fucking run to be over.  Maybe I will just have someone pick me up and I won't finish this.  I am THAT tired!  I also ate some weird Gu at mile 14 and it is upsetting my stomach.  That Gu is my ex mother in law.  Ahhhhh

Yeah, we are in Manhattan!  I was served divorce papers and it was seriously the best day ever.  I thought I would have to beg S to divorce me.  To have him make the decision was awesome.  I am literally flying down First Ave.  I am the fastest runner ever.  I am like Usain Bolt!


Awwww shit, the Bronx.  Shit is about to get real.  I am tired, we are fighting constantly.  S's lawyer is a complete bitch.  She is so evil, I almost admire her.  I think I want to be her in my next life!  I know I am at Mile 20 but it seems like this run is crushing me right now.


Back in Manhattan.  We are so close.  I am cruising down 5th Ave.  I see Central Park.  I know the finish line is coming.  I will be done with this mess soon.  I start dating again.  I cut my hair.  I feel pretty again.  I am AWESOME!

And then I hit Central Park and I look down at my watch.....I am only at Mile 24.  Fuck my life.....

I am supposed to be divorced next week and now all this shit is happening.  I know how close the finish line is but I am so tired and I wonder if I will ever get there.

That glorious medal is so close.....

Thursday, April 17, 2014

So Which Way to the Hospital???

Sunday night was a terrible and scary night for me!

Max came home from a weekend at his dad's with a fever and you could tell he was feeling awful.  As the night went on, his breathing started to sound funny and the fever got higher.  Doctor Google told me it was croup, so I called the pediatrician.  She said take his temp and anything over 105, go straight to the hospital!

So I take his temp....105.8.  I take it again....105.3.  I throw on some clothes, put him in the car and google the nearest hospital.  (Side note- This is a complete parent fail.  You should ALWAYS know where the closest hospital is!  Bad Mommy!!!)

We get to Bridgeport Hospital about 9:45 pm and he is admitted at 10:15pm.  They give him Tylenol for his temp and that is where things started to go downhill.  They decided to put him in a room, but couldn't find a clean room.

They say, we will put you in here, so he can lay down and someone will be by soon to clean the room.  They don't make the bed, the floor has medicine on it, etc.  We were still in that room at 2am!

After some time, they say his breathing is making them nervous and they do chest x-rays.  His throat was almost completely swollen shut.

We do nebulizer treatments, he is given steroids, etc.  The pediatric doctors come down, we chat.  More time goes by.

Finally the crazy nurse comes in and says the hospital doesn't feel they can adequately treat him.  The doctor doesn't even have a talk with me.  Just a freaking nurse!

At 2am they decide to transport us to Yale New Haven.  So Max and I had a sweet ride in an ambulance!

Yale was like paradise.  Bridgeport Hospital was that carnival cruise stuck in the Caribbean covered in human waste.  Yale was a private yacht, in the Mediterranean, with Jay-Z, Beyonce and Blue Ivy!


We had a long night at Yale and in the am, you could tell Max was starting to feel better.  He was basically climbing the walls.  The doctors came in and said they wanted to keep him another night and finally I had had enough.  I said we need to go home.  He needs a real bed, we both need sleep and I seriously need a shower!


We were finally sent home around noon.  We got home, napped for a couple hours and felt a lot better.  
He is still not 100% but he is back at daycare today.  Yeah Daycare!!!

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Ahhhh Running, You Are Such a Bitch!

Since my separation it has been really hard to fit in running.  It is a complete miracle if I can run alone and running with the jogging stroller limits how far I can go.

My max is five miles with the stroller and it seriously almost killed me.

I ran the Fairfield half last summer and it was a complete shit show.  I am normally a 2 hour half marathon.  1:57 to 2:05 in all of my halfs.  Last year, THREE FREAKIN HOURS!  How is it even possible that it took me that long to run 13.1 freaking miles???

I literally wanted to die the entire race.  I psyched myself out from the start.  I was so nervous and it just blew up in my face.  My stomach hurt, my feet hurt.  Just awful.

I took a break from racing after that and just ran for fun.

Then this fall I decided I was going to come back with a vengeance.  I signed up for the Runner's World half in Newton, Ma.  I was SURE I could get someone to run with me.

Crickets.....

No one was interested.  Now I am not sold on making the trip all by myself and then running alone.  But I feel like a failure if I drop out.  All I want to do is get back to my old speed and have a great race under my belt.

It is just like when I trained for my first full marathon.  I used to hit a wall at 14 miles every long run.  Then finally one day I glided past 14 and we were good to go.  I just need to burst through that wall and come out on the other side.

I know running is all about head games but lately she is really mind fucking me.