Since my separation it has been really hard to fit in running. It is a complete miracle if I can run alone and running with the jogging stroller limits how far I can go.
My max is five miles with the stroller and it seriously almost killed me.
I ran the Fairfield half last summer and it was a complete shit show. I am normally a 2 hour half marathon. 1:57 to 2:05 in all of my halfs. Last year, THREE FREAKIN HOURS! How is it even possible that it took me that long to run 13.1 freaking miles???
I literally wanted to die the entire race. I psyched myself out from the start. I was so nervous and it just blew up in my face. My stomach hurt, my feet hurt. Just awful.
I took a break from racing after that and just ran for fun.
Then this fall I decided I was going to come back with a vengeance. I signed up for the Runner's World half in Newton, Ma. I was SURE I could get someone to run with me.
No one was interested. Now I am not sold on making the trip all by myself and then running alone. But I feel like a failure if I drop out. All I want to do is get back to my old speed and have a great race under my belt.
It is just like when I trained for my first full marathon. I used to hit a wall at 14 miles every long run. Then finally one day I glided past 14 and we were good to go. I just need to burst through that wall and come out on the other side.
I know running is all about head games but lately she is really mind fucking me.