I think we can all agree that my life has changed significantly in the last two years. I had a baby, moved back home, got divorced, bought a house, etc. Some days I feel like nothing will ever be stable again!
I have had a couple of mantras to get myself through all of this.
My favorite is "Head Up, Keeping Moving." I truly believe that when I stand still, things seem impossible. Similar to when I run a race, I constantly keep my eyes on the finish line. I never look down at my feet. Each big change has been another finish line and I constantly have my eyes on the prize!
Another mantra is "One thing at a time." When I first moved home, my mother kept pushing me to accomplish things. File for custody of Max, file for divorce, etc. I kept telling her that I was at my breaking point and I knew I could only do one thing at a time. I made a list of things I knew I had to do and I slowly ticked away at it. Some of them were so simple as to open my own bank account and start saving again. Some, like getting divorced, took more time and energy to complete.
One of the last things on that list is to get a new job. It hurts me to even say that. I truly believed when I started this job, 9 years ago, that this was it for me. I am a part owner in the company and I really never believe I would leave this company.
I love my job. I love what I do. But in the last two years, the job has morphed into something that just isn't good for me anymore. I work in a very unstable environment. Every day you don't know what you are going to walk into. Some days are great and some days I go home and cry myself to sleep.
My breaking point came this year. I was called to the floor, like a child, in front of my employees, for something I hadn't done and I just snapped. I told this person, that I was embarrassed by them and there was no reason for what they had done. They hadn't checked their facts in advance and it was totally unacceptable. And just like that my mind was made up.
I know making this decision is just the first step. I have to start looking for a job and I really have no idea what I am going to do. I am completely lost about this. But I know I just have to keep my head up and keep my eyes on the finish line. Everything else will fall into place.