Thursday, October 23, 2014

The Scent of Disappointment

You would think by now that I would know better.  That after 10+ years with my ex, I would stop believing his lies and I would stop hoping that he will pull through and shine.  I have been burned enough times but apparently I haven't learned to stop touching the flame.

He hasn't seen Max since July.  In August he never returned any of my emails about his visitation.  In September he canceled the day before we were supposed to meet.  In October, total radio silence to all of my attempts to contact him.

He never calls and rarely picks up when we call him.  He doesn't respond to my text messages or emails.

Then, last week, Max asked me one of the most painful questions ever.  He asked where his daddy was?  This happened after we left daycare and another child's father was there.  It literally broke my heart when he said it.

I didn't know what to say.  You can't tell a 2 year old that his father is a dead beat loser.  So I said he was in Delaware.  I know Max doesn't understand what that means but I had to say something.

So how do you address this question?  You can't tell a child that their parent is sick in the head.  That their parent is too lazy to see them.  You can't tell a child that he is too much work for his father.  You can't allow them to be hurt by a parent's inadequacies.  But you have to tell them something...

I finally got so mad that I stalked my ex.  I called him 7 times in a row because that was the only way to get him to pick up the phone.  I said it is time to put up or shut up.  I told him he has to decide if he wants to be a part of Max's life or not.

I don't know if forcing it is the right thing.  I really don't know if anything I do is the right thing.  But I do know that spending time with Max is a gift.  One that I cherish no matter how many times I have to tell him to stop pulling the dogs hair, stop screaming, stop climbing up your dresser, etc.

He is the best thing that ever happened to me and I will never understand how his father doesn't see that.

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