Monday, November 9, 2015

Finding Stability

I think I can be the first person to say that 2015 has been a rough year for Max and I.  Maybe more for me than Max but either way it has been tough.

I don't like winter but I am secretly counting the days till 2016.  I know most of our issues won't go away in the new year.  But there is something to be said for a fresh start, right?

Child care has been our biggest issue this year.  I feel like Max is a ball bouncing from school to daycare to nannies, over and over again.  We have been through three daycares this year.  On top of that, we are on our 3rd nanny of the year and already it isn't looking so good.

From her aggressive texts asking for more money to her 6:30 am text today saying she couldn't watch Max, she is stressing me out.  When you hire someone to watch your child, it is like any other job.  You don't get to change your pay mid way through.  You don't get to pick the days you work.  But she must not have gotten that memo.

On top of that, you pay a fortune for a nanny so that you have constant care and you can decide when you need them longer.  I am not getting any of those benefits right now.  So why am I spending so much money?

I also start to wonder about the negative effects of him bouncing from caregiver to caregiver.  I know kids have to learn to be flexible but at the age of 3, you can only expect so much from him.  He gets attached to each daycare teacher and each nanny and then they leave him.  When he asks for them later on, it breaks my heart.

I am the first to admit that Max is a handful.  I don't ever sugar coat that.  But he is a sweet kid and really loving too.  I wish I could make everyone see that.

The problems with his childcare have caused me to have to make changes at work too.  I have had to change my job because I never know when I won't be able to go to work.  My hope is the job changes will remove some of the stress from my life.  But there is a small part of me that feels like a failure too.  I will never be this amazing business woman.  I will just be mediocre because I was held back by my personal life.

All of these things have made 2015 one of the roughest years of my life.  But on the flipside I have really learned priorities this year.

As a single mom, having a social life is really important.  Not just in the aspect of dating but because you need time to be you.  For me, finding the time to run again has been amazing.  I feel so great that I have been able to fit that back in.  It sounds crazy, but I love it.

Lastly, you have to realize what is important each day.  Homemade cupcakes for school really don't matter when you are up at 2am baking them.  Sleep matters.

Get the sleep.  Buy the cupcakes.  Wear yoga pants.  Have a dirty house.  You can even have dirty hair.  It is all ok.  I said so!

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