Friday, April 1, 2016

My Come to Jesus Moment

I started out this post, all gung ho about sharing my tips for being a healthy bitch like me.  And then I deleted the whole thing.  Because I am really tired of reading those types of articles and posts.  They show up all day long in my feed and they are all saying pretty much the same thing. 

You can't just eat a healthy breakfast.  And you can't workout really hard and then eat a whole pizza.  That was my thought process for a really long time.  And in my twenties it almost worked.  But now that I am in my thirties, life isn't so kind.

I was a hardcore runner, so I could eat whatever I want.  Or at least that is what I thought.  My first marathon, I trained hard, carbed my brains out and promptly gained 15 lbs.  One morning when I was face deep in oatmeal with dark chocolate M & Ms thrown in, I saw the light.  I had to clean up my diet.  So I did.  I joined Weight Watchers, lost those 15 lbs, trained really hard and shaved 25 minutes off of my Marine Corp Marathon time at the New York City marathon.

But I still continued to binge every weekend.  Then I got pregnant and the whole dam thing went off the rails.  And now, much to my shame, almost four years later I am still paying the piper.

When I was in my twenties, I weighed 115.  When I was running full time, I was at 130.  The day I gave birth, I was tipping 200 on the scale.  Since then, I bounce between 150 (I see you Christmas) and 140 (this morning).  Sharing those weights online makes me want to barf.  I am slightly ashamed of my weight so to share it with all of you is hard.  

No matter what I do, I can't get below 140.  I tried Isagenix, I tried Gluten Free, I tried eating only yogurt, I made smoothies.   I have tried it all.  And they have all worked up to a point.  But then I lose my focus and I start to tweak things.

Recently my Barre 3 workouts has really started to change the shape of my body.  My abs are much more toned, my legs are strong and my waist is much smaller than it used to be.  But the scale doesn't move.

And that is when I had my Ah-Ha moment.  I decided to stop thinking about the scale.  It stresses me out, makes me crazy and even makes me cry.  I am done with that shit.  The scale doesn't represent how I feel.

Are my clothes loose?  Yes they are.  I will see that as my success.

I have decided to tweak my diet in a more well rounded approach.  I am cutting way back on my sugar and focusing more on eating my veggies.  Veggies in every meal if I can.  I am not cutting out carbs but I am limiting them.  Pretzels are not the friend that they used to be.  I have also started buying more organic food.  I don't count calories.  Instead I focus on how I feel.  Am I really hungry?  Or am I just bored.

I want to be healthy and I want to be happy.  So by sharing this with all of you, maybe we can turn this horrible weight loss struggle into one of support and acceptance.  Yes I want to lose more weight.  But I am really tired of starving myself all week and then stuffing my face every weekend.

Maybe by focusing less and just living a better life all around, we can all be happier and skinnier!

1 comment:

  1. Hey, girl. There aint nothing wrong with 140! I've been stuck at 155 for the better part of the last 10 years (would KILL to be 140!), but it just ain't happenin'. I like to eat. And the last couple of times I did get down to about 145, I couldn't stay there.

    I get stuck in that starve/binge cycle too and it's just not worth it. I like to exercise, I like to eat, and this is the weight that lets me balance those things. Could I do better? Of course, and I think I'll always try to, but there's something to be said for mental health as well.