My mom delivered the ultimate bitch slap this week and it was much deserved and really needed.
Tuesday morning exploded all over me when the nanny quit. I can't even say unexpectedly because I should have seen this coming. I took Max to her house, she took Max to school and then called me and quit. We had some issues last week, she said some not nice things, then she apologized and I tried to work thru it with her. Lesson learned on that one. You really can't come back from some things.
In her defense, I don't believe we were a good fit for her. She was trying to fit in watching Max with taking care of her three kids and caring for her sick mother. Max is a handful and whenever she wasn't paying attention to him, he got into trouble. Her house was smaller and a little chaotic and it wasn't a great scene for him. On the flip side, the way she quit was entirely unprofessional. Either way, we are done.
So I am having dinner with my parents on Tuesday night and I am talking about what happened with her. I am basically whining about how "Unfair it is" "My life sucks" wah wah wah. You know the routine.
My mother calmly turns to me and says, "You have become a victim. And that is not you." She then went on to say that everything bad happens "Because I got divorced." "Because my job sucks." "Because Max is a lot of work." And I had no recourse but to agree with her. I have become a professional whiner this year and I am even annoyed with myself.
Basically I am not taking ownership of the bad shit in my life and taking actions to make it better. I am living in a constant cycle of suffering and the madness must stop!
I knew the Nanny wasn't a good for us this winter. She would text me all day long telling me what he was doing and a couple of times she even made me pick him up early. She also canceled a lot and I really don't have the patience for that. I should have cut it off then but finding a nanny is really hard and I honestly just didn't want to go thru it again. Max doesn't deal with change well and I thought it was better for him to push thru this. So I did what I had to do to make it work. Long story short, I really shouldn't be surprised when this blew up in my face.
The same is true with my personal life. I am dissatisfied with the way I look, yet I stuff my face all weekend and expect to look like Gisele Bundchen. I say that I don't have a lot of friends but I never make plans. You get where this is going.
So like a recovered addict, "My name is Alex and I haven't whined in one day." Let's see how this recovery goes!